I will share this every year for as long as I can remember on the last Tuesday of September.
In 2015, my husband and I decided to go all in and to try for a baby using IVF. Our first round started in late summer and we did a transfer at the end of August. By mid September, we knew something wasn't right. The week before Sept 29, the dr's confirmed an ectopic pregnancy. We went to the emergency room and had the methotrexate administered to end the pregnancy.
The following Tuesday I went in to do the routine blood test, but to everyone's surprise my numbers had doubled again. The dr called me back in to do an ultrasound and sure enough that baby was alive and had a very strong heartbeat. He/she just wasn't where we needed them to be. So they sent me to the hospital to be prepped for surgery.
I could have lamented, cried and allowed myself to sink in to a pit of despair, but at this time in my life I chose to be happy. I was patient with the nurses as they tried for several hours to get an IV started in me. I cracked jokes with the dr and I patiently assured my husband that everything was going to be alright. I had already purposed in my heart that God was going to take care of me.
Fast forward to 2016. I was 38 weeks pregnant. Friday would make 39 weeks. I had developed PUPPS in early September and we were at the point of it driving me nearly insane. We had a scheduled ultrasound and then a visit with the dr. It was the last Tuesday of the month, September 27. As we walked from the ultrasound to the clinic I said to my husband. We are going to have this baby today. I was tired and itchy and had the insane notion that if the baby was out the rash would go away right away. Ha ha ha.
We met with the dr and she agreed. The lack of sleep and constant itching were causing my blood pressure to go up.
A few weeks later I came across my old planner and saw this and it clicked. One year prior to the day I had lost something that I had hoped for. The next year on the same day last Tuesday of the month I was blessed with a perfect little boy.
God is always on time. I think it is ok to be disappointed when something doesn't happen when it should. The thing I am preaching to myself is that will i let my circumstances dictate my mood and outlook? Or will I let my outlook and mood dictate how I respond to my circumstances?
I pray I will choose the latter.
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